Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Light In The Midst of Darkness

"You, Oh Lord, keep my lamp burning; My God turns my darkness into light." Psalm 18:28 NIV

My heart feels so good today:) The last week has been crazy, but amidst it all, I have spent some of the sweetest times of my life with the Lord. The waves of emotions have left my heart needing Jesus like never before. I don't just need him to make my day better or to help with a decision, I need Him for every breath. I cherish this feeling of desperately needing my Savior. I am so thankful that I have a God that turns my darkest day into light. I am fully confident that no matter what the future holds, my sweet Lord has plans to "prosper me, and not to harm me; plans to give me hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Since my last post, God has been so awesome in answering prayers. Thank you for praying! On Monday, Matt and I met with a Breast surgeon at Presbyterian Dallas and we really liked him. He was very knowledgeable. Then we met with the fertility Dr. at UT Southwestern. He sat with us for hours and laid out every option we have available from harvesting embryos and doing In-Vitro Fertlization (IVF) to getting a Lupron shot during chemo to protect the follicles in my ovaries, in hopes to preserve them. Please pray for discernment and wisdom for us. We want to bring glory to God through every decision and this is a difficult one. I want so desperately to have more babies but, Matt and I believe that those fertilized eggs (embryos) are Life and thus they are our babies. So, best case scenario, if my ovaries do work after chemo and we are able to have biological babies, then we would never just leave those Wideman embryos, thus we would have to get them implanted and go through IVF. However, if we play out worst case scenario, and my ovaries don't work after chemo, then we would have to be okay with never having biological babies again if we didn't harvest embryos now. Please pray that God would direct every part of our decision and that we would fully trust His perfect plan for our family.

On Monday, we also got notified that on Thursday(tomorrow) we get to meet with the breast surgeon and oncologist at UT Southwestern! And we have an appointment with the Breast surgeon at Baylor on Thursday too! So, hopefully by Thursday evening we will know what team of Doctors we are going to proceed with. I will be so glad when we decide, so that we can start getting rid of this dumb cancer:) I also have all my body scan tests on Friday. The hardest part of all of these Dr appointments is that I don't get to be with McKinley. I miss her every second that I am not with her. But I know she is in great hands. Matt and I are overwhelmed with the love and support of our family, friends, and community. It all means more than we will ever be able to express. Thank you friends.

This morning we found out that I do NOT have the gene for breast cancer! That is great news, in that if I did have it, I would be at a much higher risk of developing cancer again. Praise God! Although, if I had the gene, then at least there would be an explanation of why I have cancer at age 27. But the fact that I don't just confirms in my heart, that God is up to something so much bigger than I can understand. I know he will continue to turn my darkness into light and I am learning every day what it means to praise Him in my storm. We love you all so very much.

Only by His Grace~



  1. Rands - you are always such an encouragement to me! Shouldn't it be the other way around right now? I know God has grand plans for you. PRAISE GOD that you don't have the gene - answered prayers already!

    I miss you and I hope to see you soon. I have enlisted many prayer warriors from our family, so know that you, Matt and McKinley are being lifted up continually. Love you!

  2. Matt and Randi we can see the light!

    Matthew 5:14-16
    "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven"