"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
It feels wonderful to be able to write this. This last week has definitely been the most physically painful of my life. I don't think I could have ever prepared myself for the icky, icky pain that I am facing. As I have said before though, I am a wimp:) I cry when things hurt. I have cried a lot this past week. But I am crying this morning as I write this because God is so faithful and he answers prayers! Friday night when Matt posted on the blog, we last updated y'all that we couldn't find a pain medicine that would work for me and we asked for prayer. Oh, I am so thankful for your prayers, because within hours we tried a different pain med and it worked! My pain definitely lessened and I was able to sleep! Praise God. It overwhelms my heart that we have family and friends that would pray for us and that we have a loving God who hears our every prayer. If as many people are truly praying as say they are praying, then God's glory is for sure going to shine through all this pain:) Thank you for praying.
In one of my weakest moments when the pain was at its peak, Matt's sweet Grandma gently reminded me that when the pain is there, it is an opportunity to remember the suffering Jesus endured for me. What a blessing it has been to take my thoughts off of me and instead put them on Jesus. It completely blows my mind that the King of the Universe would come down to Earth and endure the worst death possible, death on a cross, just for me; Just for you. This week in my devotional, I read this amazing verse, " See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;" Isaiah 49:16 As Jesus was nailed to the cross, my name was engraved on the palms of his hands! He was thinking about me. I remember so clearly the night at YL camp when I was 16, that I finally understood that Jesus wasn't just some guy that died on a cross for all the good people in this world. My young life leader so lovingly told me that Jesus knew every little thing about me, every mistake I had ever made and will ever make, and he loved me more than I could even imagine. "God demonstrated his own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 That day on that cross, perfect Jesus, who deserved none of it, endured the worst suffering imaginable, all because he loved a sinner like me. Even if I was the only person on earth, Jesus still would have died for me. The same is true of you; He died for you. He knows every tiny thing about you and he passionately loves you. Do you know that love? Oh, I hope so. If you don't, I would love nothing more in this world than to talk to you about it. Jesus would love nothing more than for you talk to him about it. When Jesus died on that cross and arose from the dead three days later, the greatest rescue plan in all of history occurred. Jesus saved us from an eternity of life without him. He saved me from a life of me. The day I finally understood this truth and accepted the amazing gift Christ has to offer, it changed my life forever. That day in 2000, I gave my whole life to Christ. It has been the best decision I have ever made. Jesus never promises that a life with Him will be easy and free from pain and trials (oh, how I understand this evermore now), but that He will "never leave us or forsake us. "Hebrews 13:5. I can't imagine living one day of this icky cancer without my Jesus. Although the physical pain at times feels overwhelming, it pales in comparison to the pain of living any day without Him. So, even though my body feels like it is wasting away, my heart is renewed every day as I set my eyes on Jesus. He understands my every pain, he has been there, he gets it. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2 Please continue to pray that Matt and I will fix our eyes on Jesus every single day of this journey. I pray that you too will fix your eyes on Him.
Tomorrow we go to see Dr. Carpenter and hopefully I will get these silly drains removed! Please pray that I am healing well and that I will respect the boundaries that the Doctors and this cancer have put on me. I have been known to push boundaries:) My parents have so lovingly been here for the past week and have taken great care of McKinley and I. I will be sad to see them to go back to Colorado tomorrow, but my sweet little sister Ryli is flying in tonight to be with us for the next week. I am so excited for sweet time with her. If you by chance see Matt or have the time to email/call him in the days ahead, please give him a big hug, because he is without a doubt the best husband in the world. He has served me in the most selfless of ways. I know that nearly 5 years ago when he married me, he never thought he would have to care for me in these ways. I hate that he has to do it. But golly, he has loved me more in the last week than I could ever describe. Please encourage him with me. God is so good to give me a husband like Matt and family and friends like all of you. I am encouraged every day by your love and I truly thank God for you.
Joyfully in HIM~