"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all: he protects all his bones..." Psalm 34:17-20
Precious friends,
I have wonderful news to report. The good Lord protected all my bones and the bone scan came back completely clear! Praise God! The CT scan that I had gotten nearly 2 weeks ago, indicated that there was a questionable area on the femur part of my leg bone, thus the Dr. ordered a bone scan. So, we were anticipating the news that the bone scan would show that the cancer had spread, but it didn't! It was totally clear, no cancer in my bones! Yippee!
And there is more good news! On Friday I had my sentinel node biopsy, where Dr. Grant took out 7 of my lymph nodes in my left armpit, and tested them to see if the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes. Today, we got the results back and only 1 of the 7 nodes tested positive for cancer. It's not a perfect result, of course we were hoping for 0 nodes, but we are definitely praising the Lord that it has not spread any further. THANK YOU for praying! 1 out of 7 would indicate that approximately 14% of my lymph nodes could be cancerous, but Dr. Grant says that I won't need further surgery to remove more lymph nodes. It will just effect the chemo I receive, but it looks like I won't have to get radiation! yay!!! That means I can get my implants (well, the beginning stages of them) while I get my bilateral mastectomy next Tuesday (the 29th). God is so good. How appropriate that Thanksgiving is this week. We have so much to be thankful for.
Although we have received such great news today, I for some reason just want to cry my eyes out. God has poured out more blessings in the last week than I can begin to explain. We are overwhelmed and humbled at the love the Lord has lavished on us through our friends and family. I started a special journal yesterday to document all the amazing things that God is doing every day throughout this dumb cancer. (There are already so many pages filled!) I know that reflecting on his goodness and provision every day will help me to have a thankful heart through all this. I want so desperately to praise God and thank Him no matter how hard the storm rages around us. There is a verse in Philippians that has been put on my heart so much in the last few days: "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like the stars in the universe, as you hold firmly to the word of life- in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing" Philippians 2:14-16. This past weekend was really hard for me to do everything without arguing or complaining. The sentinel node biopsy on Friday was just an outpatient surgery, but they still had to put me under anesthesia (for the first time in my life) and they made an incision in my left armpit. I was supposed to be on pain meds all weekend and I wasn't supposed to pick McKinley up using my left side. However, hydro-codeine had the reverse effect on me and kept me up all night! So, I just felt icky and tired all weekend and it was nearly impossible for me not to pick up McKinley. I think it gave Matt and I a little insight to what surgery will be like next week, except that surgery is like 100x more intense. Recovery for this little thing was a weekend; recovery for surgery is 4 weeks, just in time to start chemotherapy. It was so hard to not feel like myself and it broke my heart not to be able to take care of my precious little angel like she is used to. I'm a snuggler, my first instinct as a mommy is to just wrap McKinley up in my arms, whether it is celebrate with her or to comfort her. I just love holding my baby girl. After surgery I won't be able to pick her up to put her in her bed, or high chair, or car seat or anything for 4 weeks. It is so hard for me to think about not being able to completely care for my baby. Matt is a phenomenal Daddy; McKinley's favorite thing in this world is to play with her Daddy. But sometimes, a little girl just needs her mommy. Mommy's, you understand. That just makes me so sad and as I started thinking about how scary and intense surgery would be, I was overwhelmed with fear. Truthfully, I am so scared for the physical pain and inconvenience that lies ahead. I'm a wimp. I'm not a tough girl, I cry when things hurt... but I am so thankful that God is the toughest and when I am weak, He is strong. So, tonight, I am holding firmly to the truth that I have nothing to fear, because "He will never leave me or forsake me" Hebrews 13:5. I have an heavenly Dad who will fight this battle for me; he hears my every cry and delivers me from trouble. How blessed I am.
Please pray that my heart would not be anxious or afraid for surgery next week. Please pray for sweet McKinley that God would protect her from understanding the changes that are going on around her. Pray that she would be so excited to be surrounded by family and friends that she won't even notice that mommy isn't quite herself. And while you are at it, Praise God for all the wonderful blessings in your life. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with the people you love. I will be praying for an attitude of gratitude and a heart set solely on our Lord.
I love you all so very much.
Joyfully in HIM~
Rands
