A New Morning; A New Day; A New Outlook

Isaiah 43:19a NASB - "Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth...

Sweet Friends,

   How are you? I hope this letter finds you well, that you have been able to settle into the busy fun that is fall!   I so LOVE summer but I am always excited for fall. I know that for most, spring marks new beginnings, but somehow fall always seems for me like the time of the year for fresh starts. I love the excitement of school and activities starting; I love watching football games and ordering pumpkin spice chai tea lattes at Starbucks. I love the warmth of deep conversations with friends and the way my heart is overjoyed when bible study starts up again. I love getting out fall clothes and putting away all the pool toys. I love wearing scarfs and boots. I love cool afternoons spent playing at the park with McKinley and our new puppy, Trigger :) I love thinking about what our little family will dress up as for Halloween. I love kicking off another year with Young Life and watching kids who accepted Christ at camp this summer really start walking with Jesus. I love the beauty of fall colors.  I love this fall especially because it marks a new beginning in our life. Nearly a year ago, this cancer journey started and tomorrow we get to take the final step (hopefully)! To say that I am excited, is a complete understatement! I am over the moon thrilled! At 7:00am tomorrow morning (Friday, September 14th), I will have my last surgery. Dr. Carpenter, my wonderful plastic surgeon, will take out my expanders, and replace them with beautiful, new implants! During the procedure, he will also take fat from my tummy (awesome!) and add it to my breasts to make them look realistic. God has such a great sense of humor that the surgery that gives me new boobs would also tighten my tummy!  The surgery should take 2.5 hours and I should be released from the hospital later in the day.  Compared to my first surgery, this should be so much easier. I will have those terribly, icky drains in until Tuesday, so Dr. Carpenter said I will feel pretty bad until then.  But after they are removed, I should make a quick recovery! I just can't do any heavy lifting for about 4 weeks. So once again, I can't lift my precious McKinley, which breaks my heart.  However, she is a very independent little 2 year old now, so I'm sure it won't even phase her. How much she has grown up since my first surgery last November! How much the Lord has grown all of us over this past year.

Tonight, on the eve of my last surgery, my heart is overwhelmed with the idea of newness. Perhaps because tomorrow I get new boobs, which is awesome; but as I really start thinking about it, God has given me so many new things over the past year. At times, I start to think of everything that has been taken, but then I am reminded of the joy that comes from focusing on what God has so graciously given. I have been given so much. Besides my new breasts, I feel as if I have a new body in many ways, one with out any cancer in it. I have new hair, which is really growing in, it is about 2 inches long!  I finally have new eye lashes, that I am so thankful for. And I know that I have a new perspective on life. I'm sure anyone that has had cancer, looks at life a little differently: sweeter, more precious. God has given me a new standard of beauty, one that comes from a heart that is so in love with Jesus. I love knowing that God makes all things new in His time. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17. I love that because of Christ, we are completely new; that God doesn't see any old in us. He removes our sins, our old self, as far as the east is from the west. (Psalm 103:12) God, in His abundant goodness, only sees us as new creations. Oh, how wonderful would it be if we never focused on what used to be! I pray that I will be able to see all of my new things, without remembering how they used to be.  I pray my mind will not dwell on what I used to be, but rather what God has made me into. "To be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:23-24. He made my heart new years ago, but this year He has given me so many new things to remind me of how He wants everything to be made new, and when it is made new, the old is completely gone. Oh Lord, I pray that my old, cancer filled body would be completely gone.  And when I look in the mirror and see my image that isn't what it used to be, I would rejoice in the fact that it isn't as it used to be. God has made me new. He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelation 21:5  

The view we had from a new morning on Lake Texoma! 

Lamentations 3:22 NIV - Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Friends, I don't know where this finds you tonight; perhaps you are on the eve of some big change, perhaps tomorrow is just a regular day. Wherever you are, I pray that you have given your heart to Jesus and been made new.  As our heavenly Dad says, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you;" Ezekial 36:26. And as a new creation, I pray that today you would sing a new song, one that rings in the heart of heaven. "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:3. I pray that you would only be able to see your newness in Christ, and that you would let your old be completely removed. How great our God is to make all things new! How beautiful it is to focus on the new. Please pray that my surgery goes well and that Dr. Carpenter's hands would be guided by the Great Physician. Pray that my heart would cling to the cross when pain overwhelms my body. Thank you precious friends for all your love, encouragement and prayers. We will keep you updated!

His New Creation~
Randi

Who I Am is Whose I Am

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Luke 12:6-7

Sweet friends,

The Lord has taken my heart on quite the journey this past week and I am so excited to tell y'all about it. As I shared with you in my previous post, my heart was deeply struggling with the reality of losing my hair last week. Oh, how anxious, afraid and insecure I was. Dr. O'Shaugnessy had predicted that I would lose my hair last Thursday (1/26), however as I was getting ready for church last Sunday morning (1/22), my hair started to fall out. Not in chunks as I had expected, but just gradually as I brushed it. It was as if the Lord was easing me into it. I burst into tears as it first started coming out, I just cried out to my Heavenly Dad, "Lord, I know that your ways are not my ways, and I hate that I have to lose my treasured hair, but I am so tired of being sad about my hair. I hate that I care so much about it. I know that my beauty is in you alone, so help me to feel it. Please give me a peace that transcends all understanding and guard my heart and mind in Jesus (Philippians 4:7)." Y'all I was on my knees in sadness and desperation, and the good Lord met me right where I was and answered my prayer in abundance. For the next 3 days, little by little my hair fell out. Each time I brushed it, I was scared, but I wasn't sad and I didn't cry. I was peaceful. By Wednesday night of last week (1/25), about half of my hair had fallen out and I knew it was time for Matt and I to shave it. So sweet Matt, who had watched YouTube videos all day about how to shave a woman's head, got everything ready. In more love and tenderness than I can possibly explain, Matt prayed over me and my hair; that I would know that I am a daughter of the King, beautifully and wonderfully made for His purposes. So, as my precious husband cut off my remaining hair and shaved my head, we prayed over 3 verses:

• "I praise you Lord because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well" (Psalm 139:14)
• "All Beautiful you are my darling, there is no flaw in you" (Song of Songs 4:7)
• "The King is enthralled with your beauty, honor Him for He is your Lord" (Psalm 45:11).

Oh, what sweet reminders of true beauty. As I looked in the mirror for the first time as a baldy, before I could even react, Matt assured me I had never looked more beautiful, he wrapped me in his sweet arms and made me feel more loved than perhaps ever before. So although I didn't quite feel more beautiful than ever, our sweet Lord used Matt to remind me that I am beautiful, without a flaw, and the King of the universe is enthralled with my beauty. Not because of my hair or my outward appearance, but because I am His precious daughter.

Even as the daughter of the King, it was still so hard to look in the mirror without my wig and not hear the enemy's lies that I was ugly and unlovable. Oh, how thankful I am that God knew that the only antidote to these lies is the Truth. This past weekend He blessed me with the opportunity to go to our church's women's retreat at a beautiful ranch in east Texas with some of my closest girl friends. It was so much fun and physically, I felt so great! It just refreshed me as God knew EXACTLY the Truth that my heart needed to be reminded of! The quickest way to bondage is by believing a lie. The quickest way to freedom is to tell the truth: "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:32). Throughout the weekend we were challenged to find our identity in Christ alone. That we as women, tend to put on so many 'masks' trying to be someone we are not. We allow our roles, responsibilities, and recognition of others define us. As one author states, "We cover up who God made us to be. We invent a new self that every body will admire but nobody will know." I have struggled my entire life with trying to wear the masks of "Being Perfect;" "Being all things to all people;" and "being consumed by my appearance." Even though I have found tremendous freedom in all of these through my relationship with Christ, they are still daily struggles for me. I often believe the lie that if I'm not perfect or pretty, then people won't like me. Lately, I have believed the lie a thousand times over that when I'm bald, I won't be loved or accepted. Oh, but how I was sweetly reminded that my value, my worth is in Christ Alone! We were made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) to reflect Him and who we are in Christ is more than enough. We are so passionately loved and significant that Christ died for us. As I've heard it so perfectly said, "Is what your living for worth Christ dying for? When I think about it that way, it makes me want to live for so much more! Oh the plans God has for us (Jeremiah 29:11) are so good. I love that when Christ died on the cross, your name and my name were engraved on the palms of his hands! (Isaiah 49:16) Now that's romatantic love:) If we really stop to think about the depths of Christ's sacrifice for us, how could we not be overwhelemed by how much He loves us? I love that God calls His people, His Beloved. It's as though Jesus is just crying out to us, "BE LOVED!" Let me love you, just as you are, just who I created you to be. It still blows me away that God knows every single thing about us, and passionately loves us. Isn't that every person's desire, to be fully known, fully accepted and fully loved. Now, If we would only let ourselves just Be Loved then it would completely change our hearts and our lives. I am learning every day to accept Christ's crazy love for me, as the imperfect, baldy that I am:) How thankful I am that He is not finished with me yet! At the end of my retreat, they asked us to reflect on everything we are in Christ. Here is my list: In Christ, I am...

• Loved
• Beautiful
• Adored
• Whole
• Secure
• Accepted
• Forgiven
• Humbled
• Encouraged
• Full
• Refreshed
• Redeemed
• Complete
• Not lacking anything
• Without fear
• Free to be me
• Not a slave to sin
• Made in the image of God
• His work of art
• His messenger
• Joyful
• Peaceful
• His Beloved

Oh friends, my heart is so refreshed when I think on who I am in Christ. Today, when I looked in the mirror, I wasn't appalled by my bald head but instead it just reminded me to think about my identity in Christ. I encourage you to take time to remind yourself of who you are in Christ. To take off the masks that rob us of the joy of being who we were created to be. I pray that you will see how adored and significant you truly are. I am so thankful that God continues to remind me of my worth in Him alone.

Today, January 31st, I was supposed to have my 2nd round of chemotherapy. However, it was postponed until next Tuesday because my white blood cell count is too low, which means that my body hasn't fully rebounded from my last treatment and is not able to fight off infection right now. So, if I were to have received chemotherapy today, Dr. O'Shaugnessy said that I would have been really sick for the next 3 weeks, which would have been terrible! I was so bummed though when she told us, "Not today" because I feel really healthy and my heart is in such a great place with the Lord. I wasn't anxious at all this morning, I was ready; or so I thought I was. I just hate that my sweet Mom and Dad drove all the way from Colorado to take care of me, and now they have to go home and my mom is flying back here next Monday. And it means that all of my following chemotherapy treatments are also bumped a week, so my wonderful sisters and friends that had made arrangements to come here for a specific treatment now have to reschedule their flights and other arrangements. Oh, the people pleasing nature in me feels so terrible that this is such an inconvenience. I just thought, God why? Today would have been great, it was in my 'plan.' But the Lord gently reminded me that His timing is perfect and that He is in complete control, and just as He reminded me this week to find my identity in Him alone, today he called me to Trust Him completely. "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean NOT on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 Please pray that I would completely trust God's perfect timing and that my white blood cells would be replenished this week. Friends, we just love you. We are so thankful to have you in our life to walk this journey with. I will be praying this week that each of you realizes how unbelievably loved you are by the King of the Universe and that you would claim your true identity as His sons and daughters. It's not Who you are, it's WHOSE you are! Have a wonderful week!

Joyfully in HIM~


Rands

Just Give Me Jesus

"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24 

Sweet Friends, 

   What a wonderful day today is! For many reasons, but one of them being that today is my 28th Birthday:) And like never before in my life, I feel so blessed to celebrate my birthday. I feel so privileged to have this day to praise God for the life He has given me. I have experienced more love and joy in the past 28 years than I can possibly explain. When I think about the blessings that God has poured upon my life, I am overwhelmed. There have been many hard days in the past 28 years; time periods I would love to forget, but oh my, the love that Christ has lavished on my life leaves me speechless! I am married to the best husband in the world, who I fall more in love with every day. We have the sweetest, most beautiful daughter who is just a ray of sunshine. I have family and friends who love me and care about me in ways I will never fully understand. But more-so, than all of these wonderful blessings, I have Jesus... who has proven over and over again to be my life's greatest treasure. So today, and everyday, that is so worth celebrating! 

For the past 2 days I have felt fantastic! Yesterday, it was nearly 80 degrees here, so McKinley, Trooper and I got to play at the park and enjoy the beautiful weather. It felt amazing to feel like me again:) Praise God for restoration of my health! Oh, how He answers the prayers of His beloved. The past 2 weeks have definitely been challenging; the seven days following chemo were probably the hardest physically of my life. Matt and my mom took great care of me, they made my most painful moments so much better. Not painful in the same sense as recovery from my surgery, it was just overwhelming in sickness and weakness. But friends, I felt your prayers and the strong arms of our Savior in a profoundly deeper way than I have ever before. In my  weakest of moments, where I didn't have the strength to do anything but lay still in bed, I experienced probably the sweetest times I have ever had in my life with the Lord. When there was literally not an ounce of my strength left, He showed up in such beautiful ways. He captivated my every thought, my heart's deepest desires, and in my stillness, I was just with Him... and I loved it. There was a song that played in my mind a thousand times that week, and the truth of it blessed my heart in inexplicable ways. Its called "Give Me Jesus" by Jeremy Camp. Close your eyes, listen to the words, be overwhelmed by its beauty....

Just give me Jesus. That's all. Oh, how I hate being sick and I hate chemotherapy, but I love that in my sickness, Jesus was literally all that I had; evermore all that I needed. I pray that would be my heart every single day: just give me Jesus. I pray that none of you will ever have to face cancer or go through chemotherapy, but I do pray that God will bring you to a place where Jesus is it for you. I count myself so blessed to be in this place where I know that the love of Christ is better than anything in this world. I want that desperately for each of you, because it really is the greatest thing on this side of heaven. :-) 

This Thursday is the day Dr. O'Shaugnessy says that I will lose my hair. If I let it fall out naturally, it will take about 3 days. However, I know there is absolutely no way I can go through the trauma of pulling out all my hair, so as soon as it starts to fall out, Matt and I are just going to shave it off. As I have shared with y'all before, that may be the hardest day of all of this for me. I know that for many of y'all, losing your hair doesn't seem like that big of a deal, and how I wish that that was true of me. But I love my blond hair, I love feeling beautiful and I am so scared to look in the mirror and be bald. I am crying right now just thinking about it. So, please on Thursday, pray for me. Pray that my heart would be so captivated with Christ that I would be okay as my hair falls out. Pray that as I look in the mirror I would know that my beauty comes only from the Lord: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4.  Pray that the mirror wouldn't say more than the Master. Thank you sweet friends for your prayers! Oh how I need them:)  I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend that you know how deeply loved you are!

Joyfully in HIM~

Rands