Overcome By The Overcomer

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" John 16:33

Hi Sweet Friends!

Happy Easter Week! What a joy it is to write to y'all today. The other night I was talking with my sweet friend who tragically lost her husband 2 years ago and she said something that so touched my heart this week. She was saying how Christmas always used to be her favorite holiday, but now, more than ever, Easter is her very favorite. It is because of what Christ did on Easter that she knows she will see her husband again one day in Heaven. And for her, that is one of the greatest reasons to celebrate. Her words have made me think so much on what Easter really is about and the power of Christ's death and resurrection.

One of my favorite Easter sermons was titled "It's not over, even when it’s over!" So true! I love reflecting on what Christ did on the cross; what a crazy, passionate love He displayed for us that day. How he was betrayed, beaten and abandoned all because He loved us, without any promise that we would ever love Him back. It is without a doubt, the greatest love story ever told. It brings me to tears when I think of the excruciating pain that my Savior endured that day; they stripped him, spit on him, mocked him, flogged him 39 times (1 short of that which would have traditionally killed a man), then they made him carry his own cross up a huge hill, only to nail him to it when he got to the top. Then, as if he wasn't in enough pain already, his lungs eventually filled up with fluid and he suffocated to death on the cross...

All of this because He loved us! In Isaiah 49:16 it says" See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." Your name, my name, was engraved on Christ's hands as the nails were driven through them. As He took on the sin of the world that day, He was thinking about us. "But He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by His wounds we are healed. We all like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:5-6 By His wounds, we are healed! It blows me away that the King of the Universe couldn't stand that we were separated from Him, so He came to Earth and changed everything. That's what Jesus does, He changes everything! This week at Young Life, I took my precious sophomore girls through just some of the miraculous stories in the book of John where Jesus came into the picture and everything was changed; people were healed, the blind could see, the adulterous woman was purified, the paralytic could walk, and the dead were brought back to life. Those stories just pump me up, because when we allow Jesus into our lives, nothing is left unchanged. He brings light into the darkest places, He creates beauty from ashes, He gives hope to the hopeless, and He conquers death! That's my King. As my precious hubby reflected on that this morning, he so eloquently wrote: "Do you ever think about it? He wore a crown of thorns so that you might receive the Crown of Righteousness. He wore a scarlet robe so that you would have no scarlet letter. In His right hand they placed a reed so that you may experience what it is for you to be upheld with His righteous right hand. He sweat blood so that the curse of sweat could be done away with. He was covered in blood so that you wouldn't be covered in your sin. He was beat so that you would never lose. He carried that cross so that you would never have to carry that burden of guilt. Oh, the magnificence! The majesty! The mystery of that moment! Then He died for you so that you might live for Him! What's stopping you!?" Oh I love that! So although what Christ did on the cross truly was the bravest, most courageous and selfless thing anyone has ever done in all of history, the story doesn't end there. It's not over even when it’s over!

Jesus truly did die that faithful day on the cross. Scripture says He cried out, "It is Finished," John 19:30 and then He took His very last breath. The guards took His body down, declared Him dead, and then His body was laid in the tomb. He was dead, really dead; dead for 3 days. If that was the end of the story, there would be no hope for us. I'm sure everyone who was there to witness Christ's death thought that was the end, it was over. Perhaps we have all been at a point in our lives when we thought our lives were over, where we had no hope, when we thought our story might as well end there. Praise God that Jesus didn't end the story there. On Easter Sunday, the tomb was empty. Christ had risen, He conquered death! That day, everything changed. There was now life after death. The veil was torn, the gates of heaven opened; the gates of hell defeated. Because Christ didn't just die, but He rose from the dead, we can spend eternity in heaven with our King. It wasn't over, even when it was over! It only just began.... I know that none of you who are reading this have ever really died, however every single one of us has been completely dead in our sin. See apart from Christ, there is no life, we are dead. But as Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" John 11:25 Jesus = life! Do you believe it? Have you allowed the power of Christ's death and resurrection to change everything for you? Oh, I pray that this Easter you will know, without a shadow of a doubt that you get to spend eternity in Heaven because Jesus conquered death on that first Easter Sunday. We all have a story, some stories are filled with many trials, pain and loss; my prayer is that your story radically changed the day you really met Jesus. That is the day that your life really began. If you remember that day, reflect on it, praise God for it, tell all your friends about it. Let the world know the day Jesus changed everything for you. That's what Easter is truly all about. And if you don't yet have the part of the story where Christ swoops in and rescues you for all of eternity, I pray that today would be that day! "But these things are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." John 20:31

Oh, I am just so excited to celebrate Easter this weekend. We are celebrating 'Resurrection Sunday' as we like to call it on Saturday night with all our Young Life kids, then on Sunday morning we will be with Matt's family and on Sunday night we are celebrating with our wonderful friends. It should be such a fun weekend and I feel so wonderful. God is so great to restore my health the way He does between chemotherapy treatments. I am officially done with all my icky chemotherapy treatments! Yay! Now, I just have 12 'easy' treatments left. This Tuesday I will have my first 'Taxol' treatment and will continue to have them every Tuesday until June 26th. Although, we don't know what exactly to expect, Dr. O says we should be optimistic that I will feel just fine, perhaps just really tired on Tuesdays. My best friend of 17 years, Nicole, is flying in on Monday night from Colorado to take care of us next week. I am so excited! I pray I will feel so good that we will just get to play the whole time she is here :)

Friends, I pray that you have the sweetest Easter ever; that you will take time to truly celebrate what Christ has done in your life. I will be lifting you up in prayer! I love you dearly! Have an 'Eggcellent' Easter!:)

PS: You should read this really sweet article in our Allen Image Magazine:) http://issuu.com/allenimage/docs/april_web/19 Yay for John 10:10!

Joyfully in HIM~

Randi

The Ever-Watchful Eye Overseeing My Life

"My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip- he who watches over you will not slumber... The Lord watches over you... The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life." Psalm 121:2-7

Sweet friends,

I find so much comfort today knowing that God never takes His eyes off of us; he never sleeps; he never misses a moment of our life. He knows exactly where we are, he meets us there. I write to you completely exhausted, with just a few total hours of sleep in days. But Chemotherapy #3 is done (yay!) and I know ever more fully that my help comes only from the Lord. There is such a sweetness, a victory really, looking back on a chemotherapy week and seeing God's blessings amidst so much ickyness. My wonderful little sister, Ryli, was here all week to take care of us. McKinley loved having her Aunt Ry Ry here and I just treasure that time with my sister. Oh, how I pray that McKinley can have a sister (and brother) one day! I don't know what I would do without my siblings. As far as the side effects of the chemotherapy, they were very similar to round #2, just extreme weakness and nausea. However, it was so much better than the first round of chemo, and I am 75% done with the really harsh chemotherapy treatments. Praise God! However, this round has given me terrible insomnia. Despite many sleeping aids, my silly body just does not want to slumber. So I have had many sleepless hours deep into the night to spend with my heavenly Dad. Although, I do truthfully wish I were sleeping, and oh do I cry out to the Lord for sleep, I have come to treasure those still moments just with Him. It comforts me so much knowing that God doesn't ever sleep; as I lie awake He is there: my protector, my shepherd. When McKinley was first born, I would love to watch her sleep; the peace of a precious sleeping baby is unmatched. I am sure that is exactly how God feels as He watches his precious children sleep. I wish He were watching me sleep a little more these days, but He has been teaching me such a sweet lesson as I learn to rely on Him for every ounce of strength.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at a "mommy's" class at our church about having an attitude of gratitude. We were challenged to look at everything as an opportunity to be thankful. "Be Joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. " 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Its sounds so simple: that part of God's will for our life is to be thankful in ALL circumstances. I sat there and reflected on all that I have to be thankful for and I was overwhelmed and humbled. But I so pridefully thought, 'gosh I am great at being thankful'! God really doesn't need to teach me anything else about thankfulness! Ha! Then as I was driving home with my sweet friend and our darling daughters, she asked how I was feeling and I began to complain about how exhausted I was and how terrible this insomnia is. She asked what the insomnia was attributed to and I explained how the insomnia was not actually from the chemotherapy drugs, it is a side effect of the Lupron drug that is being used to shut down my ovarian function. As I rattled off with all my explanations and complaints, the Lord just took a hold of my heart and reminded me so loudly that His ways are so much bigger than I can possibly understand. It dawned on me that the Lupron, the silly drug that causes me not to sleep, have terrible hot flashes and go through menopause at age 28, is the very drug that is allowing the chemotherapy drugs to be effective, killing the cancer and not having to fight with my estrogen and progesterone. The Lupron's function of shutting down my ovaries is also the means by which we have the hope of having another biological baby. Oh Lord, how silly I am to question your ways. I will take a thousand sleepless nights for the hope of getting to live without cancer and the hope of getting to have another baby. God taught me such a huge lesson that day about trying to look at everything from His perspective. Unlike me, He sees everything, from the very beginning of time until the very end. He knows exactly whats best for my life. In Romans 8:28 its says, "For we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose." I know that most people would think I'm crazy to say that this cancer is good, but I am so confident that the Lord is using all of this for good in my life and to make me more like His Son. Oh, how I want to be more like Jesus. Sometimes, more often that not, I just need God's sweet reminder that He is in control and I'm not. I can't make my cancer go away and I can't make myself sleep, but I can be so thankful that God cares so much about me (and you) to work out everything for His perfect purpose in our lives. There is a song, called "Blessings" by Laura Story that I heard for the first time right before I was diagnosed. I loved it then, and I love it evermore now. I could listen to it a thousand times over, because it speaks such truth. Listen to the words...

"What if your blessings come through raindrops;

What if your healing comes through tears;

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it take to know you are know you're near.

What if trials in this life are your mercies in disguise."

Oh, how those words bless my heart and remind me how Big and beautiful God's plans are for my life. He uses every trial, every heart break, every moment of sickness, every disappointment, every sleepless night. None of it is in vain. He's working it all together for our good and His glory. Although we may not understand what He is doing today, we can trust that He has our very best intentions in mind. He's our Dad; he cares more than we can possibly fathom. He knit us together in our mother's womb, he knows us better than we know ourselves, and only He knows what is best for our lives. We just have to trust that and believe with all our hearts that sometimes God's greatest blessings come from our worst pain. I know that so many of you are facing really hard things today, so I pray that you will find comfort in knowing that God's plans for your life are so good and He will use this pain for something so beautiful if we allow Him to. I encourage you to think about all you have to be thankful for today. I just know that an attitude of gratitude changes my heart and draws me so much closer to Jesus. Will you allow whatever you are facing to draw you closer to Jesus?

Friends, I just love you! The Lord uses you to encourage me every day. We are so thankful for you. It is easy to see how great God is when we think on the blessings He has given us through your friendships. I hope you are having a wonderful week! Have fun having an attitude of gratitude!

Joyfully in HIM~

Rands

Updating My Results, Uplifting My Rock

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all: he protects all his bones..." Psalm 34:17-20

Precious friends,

I have wonderful news to report. The good Lord protected all my bones and the bone scan came back completely clear! Praise God! The CT scan that I had gotten nearly 2 weeks ago, indicated that there was a questionable area on the femur part of my leg bone, thus the Dr. ordered a bone scan. So, we were anticipating the news that the bone scan would show that the cancer had spread, but it didn't! It was totally clear, no cancer in my bones! Yippee!

And there is more good news! On Friday I had my sentinel node biopsy, where Dr. Grant took out 7 of my lymph nodes in my left armpit, and tested them to see if the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes. Today, we got the results back and only 1 of the 7 nodes tested positive for cancer. It's not a perfect result, of course we were hoping for 0 nodes, but we are definitely praising the Lord that it has not spread any further. THANK YOU for praying! 1 out of 7 would indicate that approximately 14% of my lymph nodes could be cancerous, but Dr. Grant says that I won't need further surgery to remove more lymph nodes. It will just effect the chemo I receive, but it looks like I won't have to get radiation! yay!!! That means I can get my implants (well, the beginning stages of them) while I get my bilateral mastectomy next Tuesday (the 29th). God is so good. How appropriate that Thanksgiving is this week. We have so much to be thankful for.

Although we have received such great news today, I for some reason just want to cry my eyes out. God has poured out more blessings in the last week than I can begin to explain. We are overwhelmed and humbled at the love the Lord has lavished on us through our friends and family. I started a special journal yesterday to document all the amazing things that God is doing every day throughout this dumb cancer. (There are already so many pages filled!) I know that reflecting on his goodness and provision every day will help me to have a thankful heart through all this. I want so desperately to praise God and thank Him no matter how hard the storm rages around us. There is a verse in Philippians that has been put on my heart so much in the last few days: "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like the stars in the universe, as you hold firmly to the word of life- in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing" Philippians 2:14-16. This past weekend was really hard for me to do everything without arguing or complaining. The sentinel node biopsy on Friday was just an outpatient surgery, but they still had to put me under anesthesia (for the first time in my life) and they made an incision in my left armpit. I was supposed to be on pain meds all weekend and I wasn't supposed to pick McKinley up using my left side. However, hydro-codeine had the reverse effect on me and kept me up all night! So, I just felt icky and tired all weekend and it was nearly impossible for me not to pick up McKinley. I think it gave Matt and I a little insight to what surgery will be like next week, except that surgery is like 100x more intense. Recovery for this little thing was a weekend; recovery for surgery is 4 weeks, just in time to start chemotherapy. It was so hard to not feel like myself and it broke my heart not to be able to take care of my precious little angel like she is used to. I'm a snuggler, my first instinct as a mommy is to just wrap McKinley up in my arms, whether it is celebrate with her or to comfort her. I just love holding my baby girl. After surgery I won't be able to pick her up to put her in her bed, or high chair, or car seat or anything for 4 weeks. It is so hard for me to think about not being able to completely care for my baby. Matt is a phenomenal Daddy; McKinley's favorite thing in this world is to play with her Daddy. But sometimes, a little girl just needs her mommy. Mommy's, you understand. That just makes me so sad and as I started thinking about how scary and intense surgery would be, I was overwhelmed with fear. Truthfully, I am so scared for the physical pain and inconvenience that lies ahead. I'm a wimp. I'm not a tough girl, I cry when things hurt... but I am so thankful that God is the toughest and when I am weak, He is strong. So, tonight, I am holding firmly to the truth that I have nothing to fear, because "He will never leave me or forsake me" Hebrews 13:5. I have an heavenly Dad who will fight this battle for me; he hears my every cry and delivers me from trouble. How blessed I am.

Please pray that my heart would not be anxious or afraid for surgery next week. Please pray for sweet McKinley that God would protect her from understanding the changes that are going on around her. Pray that she would be so excited to be surrounded by family and friends that she won't even notice that mommy isn't quite herself. And while you are at it, Praise God for all the wonderful blessings in your life. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with the people you love. I will be praying for an attitude of gratitude and a heart set solely on our Lord.

I love you all so very much.

Joyfully in HIM~

Rands