Purpose In Pain

John 11:4 NIV - When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

This has to be one of the most painful experiences of my life, helplessly watching my precious wife go through so many tests, appointments, phone calls and scans and all I can do is be there with her through this. Oh, if there were any which way that I might take this cancer from her and put it on myself, I wouldn't hesitate for a moment; even if it were for just a day.  To think, this is only the beginning of our journey; I am so glad that I get to walk it with her.  

This past Sunday, Randi and I heard about a sweet lady that had lived her life in such a way that when it was her funeral, her husband and three boys stood in front of her casket and cheered.  She had lived a Proverbs 31 life,  so "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:" (Pro 31:28 NIV).  You must understand, this is the type of woman that my wife is. To me "...She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." (Pro 31:10-12 NIV).  When I look on the pain that is this situation, everything in me screams that this is not fair.  It's true.  It's not fair - that I get to be married to such a woman of noble character; to her. She has a trust that outlasts trials, a love that outlives looks, a faith that outshines flames, and a hope that overcomes helplessness.  In all sincerity, she is my hero that also happens to be my helpmate.  I am so blessed by her.

That is why this is so painful.  When friends call and ask how we are doing, it is a difficult question to answer. This hurts.  The pain is very much palpable.  However, in the midst of our pain, Randi and I have found great comfort in the realization that pain always has a purpose.  Oh, what vanity and emptiness it would be to think that the present sufferings don't matter in the end! Ah, but we know that "You (the enemy) intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." (Gen 50:20 NLT) Also, in Romans 8:28 NKJV - And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. That is why I am praying John 11:4 today that "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." There is purpose in pain.

What pain is it today that you are experiencing? What is it that is bringing you comfort in the pain?  Is it a bottle, a pill, a person? What about a PURPOSE? We may not know all the reasons why things may happen in this life, but oh what a promise we have: that in the end, God has a purpose! Will you trust Him with me? For, there is Purpose In Pain.  

Purpose in Pain

There is purpose in pain,

Every mountain top has its climb,

Every dark night has its dawn,

Every rose buds in time,

There is purpose in pain.

There is purpose in pain,

Every birth has its travail,

Every victory has its battle,

Every cross has its nail,

There is purpose in pain.

There is purpose in pain,

Every diamond is dug from dirt,

Every healing has its sickness,

Every hope has its hurt,

There is purpose in pain.

There is Purpose in Pain,

Every newborn has its first breath,

Every phoenix has its ashes,

Every Resurrection has its death,

There is purpose in Pain.

Grateful for pain that has a purpose, however painful it may be,

Matt

Wonderfully Made by a Wonderful Creator

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me... For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:1, 13-14

Friends, (especially my sweet girl friends- this is kind of a girly post!)

As I read Psalm 139 this morning, my heart was so refreshed upon the reminder that God made me, He knit me together in my mother's womb, He knows every single thing about me, He knows every cell in my body and every hair on my head. So, although this cancer has taken me so much by surprise, I am so thankful that it has not taken my God by surprise at all. He knows every mutation of every cancer cell before it ever happens. Although, I wish that all my cells were normal and healthy, as each day passes God reveals a little more of His glory and beautiful plan for all this. However, some days I hear stupid Satan's lies: that my cancer infested body is not wonderful, and that when I am bald and potentially barren I won't be beautiful at all. I know these are dumb, dumb lies. So, every day I have to remind myself of the amazing truths of my God: He is Sovereign. He is in control. He made me. His works are wonderful. True beauty comes from within. He Loves me. He has a plan for me. I know these truths seem so simple, but they have filled my heart with peace every time I feel anxious and afraid.

This summer at YL camp, my sweet friend showed me a verse that I have relished in ever since: "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Songs 4:7. Immediately I thought, oh I need to frame this verse and put it right next to McKinley's mirror, so that as she grows up, every time she looks in the mirror, she will be reminded that God made her beautiful, without a flaw. Since before she was born, I have prayed and prayed that her significance in this life would not come from what she sees in the mirror, but who she is in her Maker. I have struggled my whole life with basing my worth off of my looks. So many times I have thought, "if only I was prettier, skinnier, blonder.... then I would be as beautiful as _________." My whole life, my dad, mom, sisters, and friends have told me that I was pretty, I have just chosen to believe Satan's lies. I am so blessed that not a day goes by, that Matt doesn't remind that I am the most beautiful woman in the world to him, not only for what is on the outside, but more-so, because of my heart. This weekend, Matt surprised me with a little weekend get away for us! It was wonderful; he really is the best husband in the world. He reminded me over and over again that it was my heart that he fell in love with, and that is more beautiful than ever. For the past 11 years, God has shown me over and over again that my significance, my true beauty, comes only from Him. Although, this has been a daily struggle for me. So, now as I look forward into the months to come and I see my outer beauty fade away, I have to shut my eyes and hear the voice of my heavenly Dad telling me; "All beautiful you are my darling, there is no flaw in you."

Okay, so because I am a diva of a girl who cares way too much about how I look, I have prayed so much that I wouldn't have to lose my hair during chemotherapy. Oh, I have pleaded with the Lord over this silly thing! Then, last week I received a phone call from a delightful, Jesus loving lady, who just a year ago had the exact same diagnosis as I and used the same Doctors as we have. First, she reassured me that we have chosen the BEST doctors in Dallas, she said they are known as the "dream team." This made me so thankful and definitely reconfirmed our decision on the doctors we have chosen. She said that Dr. Grant and Dr. Carpenter are artists and that my new boobies will be beautiful! lol:) And then she told me, that I may not loose my hair during chemo! Apparently there are these things called Penguin Cold Caps, they are pretty main stream in Europe and other places in the world, but only like 200 women in the United States have used them. This was the first lady at Baylor to ever try them, and she didn't lose her hair! So, I guess how they work is that on the day of chemo for 8 hours, we fill these caps with dry ice and bring my head temperature to -32 degrees Celsius! (That is Freezing!) The theory behind them is that they will freeze my hair follicles, thus preventing the chemo drugs to effect them. Obviously, anyone who does this cannot be a wimp at all! She said my hair may thin a little, and obviously I can't color it for awhile so I will have terrible roots, but I will have hair! A lot of this depends on the type of chemo I will receive, so I'm trying not to get too excited, but at least there is hope that I won't be bald! Needless to say, I was so grateful for that phone call and so thankful that I have a God who hears my every prayer and cares about every little thing about me.

Is there anything too big for our God? Nope, He is bigger still. Is there anything to small for Him to care about? Nope, He delights in the details. When I feel like wandering, I have to remember that I am wonderfully made. There is no flaw in me! You too are wonderfully made by a Wonderful Creator! Will you praise Him with me today?

Tomorrow we meet with the plastic surgeon to discuss all our reconstruction options and I have a bone scan. Then on Friday, I have the sentinel lobe biopsy. Please pray that the cancer has not spread to my bones or lymph nodes. Thank you for praying! Matt and I are overwhelmed and humbled by your love.

Joyfully in HIM~
Rands

Trust God!

Pro 3:5-6 NIV - "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

  

As Randi and I wrestle through this new struggle in our lives, the common theme that has arisen in both of us is that our God is TRUSTWORTHY. We shared this with YL kids on Monday night as we reminded them of Psalm 55:22 NASB - "Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." The next day, Anthony, a YL kid, showed up at our house with this shirt on! It brought my sweet wife to tears (and I never thought I could look so good in pink)! 

As I looked at this verse on the back of the shirt a thought came to my mind: how can this ordeal not shake someone? This is so heavy; this is so hard. My wife is the most precious woman in the world to me and the thought of her experiencing any pain burdens my heart and saddens my soul. Then, as I was listening to the radio this week, I heard this comment by one of my favorite men to listen to "When you hit rock bottom, it is because God wants you to know that He is the Rock at the bottom!" What a precious reminder to my soul.  When my feet are planted on The Rock, it is much harder for my world to be rocked.  I have a firm foundation upon which to stand, an anchor in our storm, a hope in the despair.  He will sustain me, and He will not allow me to be shaken. Notice that I didn't say that my circumstances wouldn't be shaken, but that I wouldn't be shaken.  I was also reminded of what I had found on the bottom of an In and Out Burger cup: Nahum 1:7 NIV - "The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him." How grateful I am that I have a God that cares for me, even as I am learning at a deeper level what it means to trust in Him. For me, the question is not 'is God trustworthy?' for in my life and in many others He has overwhelmingly shown Himself to be so, but rather 'am I trusting in Him?' On my way home from work today, I was swamped in the mire of the reality that we find ourselves sinking into ever so quickly. Randi had a conversation with a sweet lady who was a year out from first finding out that she has cancer with pretty much the same diagnosis and with the same doctors.  She let Randi know that she will be out of commission for quite a while after surgery, at least a couple of weeks.  For Randi and myself this was hard news to hear.  Randi will not be able to pick McKinley up to put her in her car seat, in her chair to eat, or in her bed to sleep.  Randi won't even be able to turn a steering wheel.  I immediately thought what can I do to "fix" this, and I was overwhelmed. Naturally, I was trusting in myself to solve our circumstances; my inadequacies engulfed me. Then a stinging rebuke came into my ears over the airwaves and through the radio.  The following list was read to me and I am so grateful for it:

• When you choose to worry, you do not trust God.
• When you try to fix the complicated, you do not trust God.
• When you think you can handle the impossible, you do not trust God.
• When you hurry ahead and do not wait for Him, you do not trust God. 
• When you lay awake twisting and turning on your bed, you do not trust God. 
• When you doubt Biblical precepts and principals and promises, you do not trust God. 
• When you listen to human counsel and give it higher priority than Holy Scripture, you do not trust God. 
• When you manipulate and maneuver to get your way, you do not trust God. 
• When you step in and take charge without praying or being led clearly to do so, you do not trust God. 
• When you resist leaning on God and you promote yourself so that others will notice, and you rely on your own ingenuity and creativity to become known, you do not trust God. 
• When you cling to others in order to feel secured and loved and needed, you do not trust God. 
• When you struggle with God’s leading and fight the change and resist His plan, you do not trust God. 
• When you understand His word, but though, you know what to do, you don’t do it, you do not trust God. 
• When death takes someone significant from you and you continue to think that you should have done this or that to prolong their life, you do not trust God. 

What do you find yourself trusting in today? As for me, I will trust God - even in the face of cancer. I was overwhelmed by our circumstances, now I am overwhelmed by His Grace. The response of friends to help during this difficult time has been amazing and humbling.  So many of you have offered to help, stay at our house, cook meals, and pray for us. Like I said, our God is TRUSTWORTHY. As my wife so often reminds me "When you can't trace God's hand of purpose, you must trust His heart of love." Trust God!