Encouraged By You, Loved By Him

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God... Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you... Do not be afraid, for I am with you." Isaiah 43:1-5 NIV

Oh friends,

I am overwhelmed and humbled by your love and encouragement. Thank you. Thank you for loving us; thank you for caring about us; thank you for spurring us on to follow the path Christ has laid before us; thank you for your faithful prayers. We thank God for each of you.

Last night may have been the hardest night yet for me. We finally told our beloved Young Life kids about the cancer. And it was so hard, but so beautiful. I first told my darling sophomore girls during campaigners before club. We went over the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in Daniel 3, and how when they were thrown into the fire, there was a 4th man in the fire with them: Jesus. Today, especially, I am clinging to the truth that Jesus is in this fire with us and that he will not allow a hair on our heads to be burned. That's my Jesus, my rescuer; my hero. I am comforted every day that I am loved more than I can imagine by the King of the universe; and I am thankful that the Victory is already His. I know how the story ends and it is wonderful! Nonetheless, telling my girls that I know Jesus loves me and has an incredible plan for my life, even though I have cancer, was so hard. It is hard to explain how deep my love runs for these girls.  I hate to see them cry and be sad, especially on account of me. For a year and half, I have been telling these girls how much Jesus loves them, the amazing plans He has for their life, and how true beauty comes from within. Last night, they reminded me of all these beautiful truths. How blessed I am to be loved by them. Then Matt and I told probably 200 YL kids about the cancer during club. Matt was a pillar of strength, as always. I am certain his faith could move mountains:) What a privilege it was to get to tell those kids that God is Good all the time, even when times don't seem that good. I felt our sweet Lord holding us up last night, directing our every word. Our prayer is that kids wouldn't have heard about cancer, but about Christ and the crazy, awesome love He has for them. Our amazing Young Life team then handed out pink bracelets for all the kids to wear to remind them to pray for us. It is so humbling to know that so many people are praying for us. Thank you.

Since my last post, there is quite a bit to update y'all on! On Thursday, we met with the breast surgeon and oncologist at UT Southwestern and the breast surgeon at Baylor. It was a long day and we were thoroughly confused at the end of the day! All the Doctors seem so knowledgeable, and as I was stressing about which team to choose, Matt gently reminded me that we were so blessed to be able to choose from some of the best Doctors in the country. After praying all weekend about it, we decided to go with Dr. Grant from Baylor. He loves the Lord, which is a huge bonus and comfort. When we were with him, I felt peaceful and hopeful. Very different from the feelings of anxiety and fear that overwhelmed me every where else. So, it feels great to have that decision made. How thankful I am that the Lord cares about every little decision and adores me amidst my fear and anxiety. Once I told Dr. Grant that we would be going with him, the ball started rolling. We meet with the plastic surgeon, Dr. William Carpenter, next Tuesday and then next Friday I have my sentinel lymph node biopsy procedure. I guess this is an outpatient surgery where they will take out some of my lymph nodes to test them and see if the cancer has spread. They don't want any surprises once they get to the big surgery. So then the big, bilateral mastectomy surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, November 29th. This is the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. I am so thankful that I will get to celebrate Thanksgiving before the surgery. The decision to get a double mastectomy was hard, because as I explained in an earlier post, this means that I won't ever get to breast feed again. My heart breaks for this, but Matt and I really feel like it is a wise decision to remove as much tissue as we can now, so that we have a much lower chance of getting cancer again. I am so thankful God has kept our hearts on the same page through all this. I am sure that I will mourn for the loss of that blessing when and if we do get to have another baby. But in the meantime, I am just praying so hard that God will allow us to have another baby. Please pray for that with us.

As for chemotherapy, many pathology tests will be run on the actual tumor after it is taken out, so we will know a lot more about the specific chemo regime then. It would appear that chemotherapy will start 4 weeks after surgery, which is the 1st week in January. What a blessing that I will hopefully feel great for Christmas! Thank you, Lord. As always, His timing is perfect.

I think that is all I have to update y'all with today. We love you:)

Joyfully in HIM~

Randi

A Personal Gethsemane

Mar 14:32-36 NKJV - Then they came to a place which was named Gethsemane; and He said to His disciples, "Sit here while I pray." And He took Peter, James, and John with Him, and He began to be troubled and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch." He went a little farther, and fell on the ground, and prayed that if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him. And He said, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will."

As I have studied the scriptures in an effort to better inform our circumstances, this thought has been very apparent to me: that any man that God desires to use in mighty ways, He first crushes. He takes that man and rips from him everything in this world until there is no hope left in himself. For faith that's going to be trusted is faith that's going to be tested. I distinctly remember praying with Randi a while back that God would make us more like Himself. He has answered that prayer but not in the way in which I had expected.  Too often I find myself wanting to follow Him because I know that in following is found blessing.  Rarely, if ever, have I thought that following Him includes carrying a cross!  I want the streets paved with gold, not the Via Dolorosa painted in blood.  Why should I expect anything less? After all it was Jesus himself who said in Luke 9:23 "And he said to [them] all, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me." It has become ever more apparent to me that it is much easier to wear a cross than it is to bear a cross.  The footsteps of Jesus lead to a garden. Not the Garden of Eden from which came the curse of sweat, but the Garden in Gethsemane in which the pain was so intensely palpable that He sweated blood.  The highway of holiness (Isa 35:8) quite often may lead to A Personal Gethsemane. 

This has been true in many saint's lives throughout the corridor of time. Joseph had his prison, Jonah had his big fish, Abraham had his Mount Moriah, Jacob had his wrestling match, Job had his journey, Paul had his thorn in the flesh, Moses had his desert experience, even Peter, according to tradition, had to watch his wife be crucified as he himself hung upside down on a cross. This has also been true of saints found outside of the scriptures. See the story of David Livingston as told by Leonard Ravenhill:

“In Scotland, nine miles out of Glasgow, there’s a great big house, a national memorial to David Livingstone. In it there is a model that shows the room where he died, where for years and years he prayed. It’s like some of those houses in India that are made of bamboo and leaves woven in. And there he is, kneeling over a bed, if you can call it that—two bamboo rods with some leaves on it—and a candle flickering there. They said every night he would kneel at that bed and you would hear him crying with his hands raised, “God, when will the wound of this world’s sin be healed?”

He fought the Portuguese slave traders. He did many, many marvelous things. Why? Because he had a Gethsemane of his own. His precious wife died and he buried her in the jungle. And the baby she bore died. He buried the child at the side of its mother. Another child he had died—he buried that one.

But the grief didn't change his zeal for God. It added fuel to the fire. “The devil’s trying to rob me. The devil’s trying to hinder me.” And he worked with greater zeal. He prayed more than ever he had prayed. They said that night after night his voice would echo through the forest, “Oh God, when will the wound of this world’s sin be healed?”

Dear God! all our pastors are concerned about is adding one or two members! Or getting another bus to bring the people in! I say again, there can be no revival without travail.”

When David began his ministry to the "dark" continent of Africa as it was then called, there were perhaps 100 Christians.  Today, there are over 100 Million.

Horatio G. Spafford was a very successful businessman, lawyer, and real estate tycoon in the city of Chicago during the latter half of the 1800's.  He and his wife, Anna, had five young children, four girls and a boy and were fairly well known in the community.  In 1870, however, life began to change.  Horatio and Anna lost their only son to scarlet fever at the tender young age of four.  A year later, the Great Chicago Fire wiped out a majority, if not all, of Horatio's Real Estate holdings.  The toll taken on the family was evident so it was decided that a vacation to England was needed.  Anna and the four girls boarded a steamboat while Horatio was kept behind with some last minute business.  He planned to meet up with them later.  On November 2, 1873 the 'Ville de Havre' collided with another vessel, it took only 12 minutes to sink.  Horatio and Anna lost their four girls that day, Anna was miraculously spared.  As Horatio floated above the resting place of his four daughters on the next vessel out, he penned the words of a hymn that have brought much comfort throughout the years to so many, including myself during this time.  This hymn was entitled "It Is Well With My Soul" and you can find it below as sung by Hillsong.  To think that this man penned the words "When sorrows like sea billows roll...it is well with my soul" above the graves of his daughters is beyond comprehension.  From a personal Gethsemane came a profound blessing.

The other morning before the MRI I found myself praying in tears "Father, I know that you are able to have the MRI show that the cancer is completely and miraculously gone and that all of this can be over.  Would you do that? Even if you do not, Lord you are praiseworthy and you are good."  Immediately, after I spoke those words, an overwhelming peace pervaded my heart.  It was as if my Father had said the words "Trust Me."  In that moment I learned Horatio's secret.  From that prayer to wherever this journey takes us, I can say that  "It is well, with my soul."  I can thank my God for this Personal Gethsemane, for there is always a Resurrection to come!

Matt

Light In The Midst of Darkness

"You, Oh Lord, keep my lamp burning; My God turns my darkness into light." Psalm 18:28 NIV


My heart feels so good today:) The last week has been crazy, but amidst it all, I have spent some of the sweetest times of my life with the Lord. The waves of emotions have left my heart needing Jesus like never before. I don't just need him to make my day better or to help with a decision, I need Him for every breath. I cherish this feeling of desperately needing my Savior. I am so thankful that I have a God that turns my darkest day into light. I am fully confident that no matter what the future holds, my sweet Lord has plans to "prosper me, and not to harm me; plans to give me hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Since my last post, God has been so awesome in answering prayers. Thank you for praying! On Monday, Matt and I met with a Breast surgeon at Presbyterian Dallas and we really liked him. He was very knowledgeable. Then we met with the fertility Dr. at UT Southwestern. He sat with us for hours and laid out every option we have available from harvesting embryos and doing In-Vitro Fertlization (IVF) to getting a Lupron shot during chemo to protect the follicles in my ovaries, in hopes to preserve them. Please pray for discernment and wisdom for us. We want to bring glory to God through every decision and this is a difficult one. I want so desperately to have more babies but, Matt and I believe that those fertilized eggs (embryos) are Life and thus they are our babies. So, best case scenario, if my ovaries do work after chemo and we are able to have biological babies, then we would never just leave those Wideman embryos, thus we would have to get them implanted and go through IVF. However, if we play out worst case scenario, and my ovaries don't work after chemo, then we would have to be okay with never having biological babies again if we didn't harvest embryos now. Please pray that God would direct every part of our decision and that we would fully trust His perfect plan for our family.

On Monday, we also got notified that on Thursday(tomorrow) we get to meet with the breast surgeon and oncologist at UT Southwestern! And we have an appointment with the Breast surgeon at Baylor on Thursday too! So, hopefully by Thursday evening we will know what team of Doctors we are going to proceed with. I will be so glad when we decide, so that we can start getting rid of this dumb cancer:) I also have all my body scan tests on Friday. The hardest part of all of these Dr appointments is that I don't get to be with McKinley. I miss her every second that I am not with her. But I know she is in great hands. Matt and I are overwhelmed with the love and support of our family, friends, and community. It all means more than we will ever be able to express. Thank you friends.

This morning we found out that I do NOT have the gene for breast cancer! That is great news, in that if I did have it, I would be at a much higher risk of developing cancer again. Praise God! Although, if I had the gene, then at least there would be an explanation of why I have cancer at age 27. But the fact that I don't just confirms in my heart, that God is up to something so much bigger than I can understand. I know he will continue to turn my darkness into light and I am learning every day what it means to praise Him in my storm. We love you all so very much.


Only by His Grace~


Rands